I apologize for not writing of late, I have had a traumatic experience from which I’m still recovering. Physically I seem to be doing ok, and I’m improving moment to moment,though daily tasks are a struggle somewhat. Mentally,though, I am struggling to recuperate. Everything and anything helps. Hope to get back to writing here soon.



A separationPp

You are foreign to me, a shadow with form that I see but cannot fathom.  Yet here you are, a living breathing entity…

every.time i see you.my.soul blooms and my heart breaks. I’ve broken many things before this.moment. will I break your heart as well? I wonder what you see in your peaceful gaze. Perhaps I cannot–nay, should not–know.

Your sari wraps around your slender frame so delicately, shining with green and blue brilliance. It is.the past .enveloping us both.

Star wars

I know that for many star wars fans this will be a controversial post, especially those of a particular generation. Y’know the ones that actually like the prequels. And the reason? I think that Disney has.reduced star wars and eroded what made it great. This is a.slippery.slope.i realise. After all, star wars is incredibly simplistic and cheesy. But it is also original. And well thought out. the force awakens was not original or that cheesy. But it was simplistic. And most importantly it was an imitation of every thing that came.before it. And while.the last Jedi was.better in this regard… It did not come close.to capturing the beauty of the originals. See, George Lucas had a very specific.vision in.mind, combining both the general.and specific structure of an old samurai flick.with the.general structure of Joseph Campbell’s philosophy(and possibly.a hint.of Dune). What.are.these new.movies. if not palpable.imitations of something that already came before it?

And.then there are the spinoffs. Let’s.talk about those and by extension, if we talk.about those we have to talk about the extended universe or EU.  You see, star wars.is a.veru sparsely defined franchise. 80-90% of.it.is…fluff. it’s.not mean to be a grand franchise…unless you read between the lines and extrapolate greatly. This is exactly what was.done until George Lucas or whoever killed.this great body of work. So when people were.tasked with creating prequel ppaterial…what do you think happened?  They created cardboard stories with cardboard characters and so on. although solo was a little better in this regard, it still fell short. So…in my opinion star wars is fundamentally trashed or distorted. But I cannot,.and will not, end this.argument.without acknowledging.that for most people of a.young generation, this does speak.to.them,. perhaps. And that is probably a sign of triumph. After all, as a.facebook friend of mine has continually.pointed out,.kylo ren and Rey are symbolic.of.millenials..but I should add a.caveat to that.statement..its all.entertainment..and while.any.good.long lasting piece.of.entertainment better have some.meat to it, its still entertainment. This.i believe,.George Lucas understood. He understood the importance.of.meat and.fluff.so to speak, knew how to.implement.both..that.is.why.thesseries has.endured..but.disney? I’m not.so.sure.they understand.


I have..many.more.to.follow

More on about being bicultural

We as humans are a multiplicity of identiries. We are not just one identity. Whether we are doctors lawyers and so on, we are always trying to carve out distinctive identities for ourselves. In my life I have been searching for a cohesive identity. It has not been easy. I lay at the intersection of three very distinct identities. Between my distinct brand of autism and my unusual relationship to both my whtie side and my Tamil side, I walk a very unique razors edge so to speak. As a child I grew up with both the American side of things as well as an insatiable lust for knowledge which has informed my worldview ever since. This took a very different form than you might expect. Old and cotemporary  Tamil songs mingled with the sounds of yanni and whatever else was prevalent at the time. Tamil movies vied with video games, veggies tales and other children’s shows. In particular I remember the show called the story keepers about the exploits of Jesus as told by a Christian couple and their adopted children. Mixee.with this were.the stories.and exploits of.the ancient world, such as the native.americans, the science fiction adopted from  my mother, natural science and the Andy Griffith show. As you can tell this is not a typical upbringing. Such an eclectic background paved.the way for my sense of bicultural identity even after the.divorce.and has left an indelible.mark.on.me. my america.is not the.america.around me but is still.america. As i write..i realise.i have no.idea how to approach this. Tis a very in depth topic. But one thing is for sure..I am neither one or.the other. My white nerdiness is strong but I feel as though there is a superficiality behind it at the same.time. I am.proud.of.being.tamil but  also ashamed, not only because of our obscurity but also because in.my view we as a whole do not know how to value ourselves as a culture..just watch Tamil.tv.or a chart buster like kaala.or kabali. So in short I am conflicted and in a unique .

I’ve any more tlo follow







Grandia 3

I don’t know what to make of Grandia 3, an older video game for the ps2, of all things, that I downloaded from the Playstation Store. Yeah, I know, it’s so millennial of me to do that. But hey, it’s kind of how the world works right now. And plus, where else would I get a copy of an old game like this? Anyways, Grandia 3 to me is a somewhat disappointing, yet oddly endearing, experience. It is endearing because at the game’s core lies a vibrant, beautiful world with interesting characters who seem more fleshed out than in other games. One thing that is refreshing about this game is that the writing is much better than in other games, say, tales of symphonia for instance. That game has terrible, overly dramatic writing. The decisions the characters make, and the reactions they have, are not in sync with what is happening at all. Whereas in this game, everything that the characters do pans out, in accordance with what they want as people and what the situation demands. Still, I have to admit that the plotline is extremely random. It takes continual twists that have nothing to do with anything, and while there is consistency with everything that happens, it still feels kind of strange or moderately illogical.  Also in a world where they have dragons, why do they even need airplanes?? Airplanes are a central part of the storyline, they have everything to do with it as the main character dreams of being an pilot. And no, I don’t mean an airship pilot. I mean like a world war two style aircraft pilot.  There is a difference. One belongs in steampunk and the other is a real life object a/o historical artifact…anyways, I can’t really gripe too much about the plotline as I haven’t finished the game, but I can say that the gameplay is also kind of random. Also it tries to lead you on in many ways. What I mean by that is that it does this thing where it tries to tell you what to do in certain situations…which is kind of bizarre. Anyways, Grandia 3 is a game that doesn’t exactly take my breath away, and probably wouldn’t have done so even when it came out, but it still has some charm all it’s own. I hope it continues to do so.

Treasured Alliance

At Anodyne, we are busy preparing a show, Treasured Alliance, a show you’ve never heard of unless you’re familiar with our shows and what we do, because it’s one of our original productions. In a broad sense, the show is about relationships. In a more specific, general, plot wise sense, it’s about 3 sisters who inherit a coffeeshop from their recently deceased aunt. So basically it centers around the main sister, Candy/Candice(or Candace, depending on what spelling you prefer), who is a lawyer, and very shut off from the wider world of people, especially people with disabilities, and her challenges with realizing how to interact with the different kinds of people around her. I realise this is a bad description, possibly, but I’ve been struggling a lot lately, with different kinds of obsessive thoughts. That’s part of why I haven’t been on WordPress lately. I don’t know what happened to me, but it feels like my mind is hijacked or something. Hijacked by what, you might ask? basically it’s just anxiety and depression and so on. But anyways, that doesn’t really affect the play itself at all, in a broad sense. It might mean that I end up being cast out of the play but I don’t really want to have that happen. In writing this, I hope to reorient myself to reality and the expansive possibilities and ramifications of what we are doing while also informing others about our play.  I will say though that the play has undergone a lot of changes. The original script centered around Jack and Angela, Jack being an acquisitions lawyer, sort of an archetypal representation of a straight, white male, the kind that just doesn’t understand differences of people at all.(I’m thinking he might be white collar, but I can’t know for certain because those terms are confusing to me.) Angela was his wife. And she brought the whole human experience thing, if you will, into perspective for him.  Now the role of Jack has been replaced by Candace, and all the other roles are designed to kind of bring her into that realm of understanding.  Personally, I play the role of Ganesh, an aspiring lawyer that works for candace as an intern.  Creating this character has been a fun process for me, one that I am still working on. And also, this story has a much more human element to it than before. Candace has a much more human dimension than Jack, and the fact that the sister’s are adopted really gives the story a good kick, one that is much needed. The original script read to me like a second rate gilmore girl’s imitation, if gilmore girls had people with disabilities in it.  Not that there’s anything wrong with gilmore girls…(which for those of you who don’t know, is an american tv show running through the mid-late 2000’s, centering around a mother and her young daughter, and their general life experiences living in a small town in New England full of colourful and likeable characters.) But this play didn’t really have that kind of thought provoking core that our plays strive to have. So I like this version better.

Somalis, Scapegoats, movies, cyberpunk in India, and a lot of other things that have been on my mind

I don’t really have anything specific to talk about right now. I’m sick, most likely from a small cold or something, with a slight fever….So I haven’t been in the best frame of mind in the past few days. It’s rather frustrating because I need to rest but my body and mind doesn’t know how to do that as easily as it should these days….So I’ve got a lot of pent up energy maybe, especially with the depression that I’ve been having….in the meantime, I have a lot of random thoughts about the world as usual, but I don’t know if any of them are significant enough to just talk about in one post….btw the music i’m listening to is pretty dope. It’s some kind of rachmaninov remix…that to me is rather 80’s esque…? Anyways. Something occurred to me this morning. I was thinking of conversations I’d like to have with people, and I started thinking about Somalis. Specifically, I’d like to talk to a somali person about what it means to be somali to them and especially in the context of how somalis are viewed… A little background information: Minnesota has one of the highest populations of Somalis outside of Somalia. We might even be the biggest in terms of the population, with Oslo, Norway, coming in as a second. The city of Minneapolis itself has a large population of  Somalis as well. (Saint Paul, where I live,tends to attract more southeast asians, especially minority tribes such as the Hmong and Karen, and other east african groups, namely Somali and Ertirea though we have many other races in both cities.) Anyways, I feel like the somalis are treated like dirt, and there is a lot of resentment towards them. Is that resentment justified or not? I can’t tell sometimes.  Sometimes it feels like we are scapegoating them just like we did the Italians and all the other groups that came here to America.  Still it is worth noting that the backlash against the Hmong or karen is less than the backlash against the Somalis even though the Hmong have a huge problem with certain crimes, including gang violence, as far as I can tell, and abuse towards women is rampant in that culture as well.


Whew.. I really burnt myself out writing about that. Then again, I’m burnt out to begin with. I don’t think I’m going to be able to talk about everything I mentioned.So I’m just going to go with the cyberpunk in India theme. Why isn’t this a thing yet?? I mean, if you’re looking at everything except the aesthetics, which is, probably thanks to Blade runner, all anyone seems to care about in the genre, India is loaded with cyberpunk tropes and themes. Especially the high tech, low humanity trope. Ever been to Mumbai? Ever seen Slumdog Millionaire? Hello! This disconnect became clear to me after reading Maximum City by Suketu Mehta. Even Chennai and Calcutta, though vastly different from Mumbai and each other, have this thing going on. It’s weird, though, how everyone looks to Japan and China for this. I’m starting to think, that much like african nations, there are sophisticated and modern  people living there. Life is not all about the vedas and the geethas and the Upanishads people!  They have economic concerns, political concerns and their own thriving media outlets, and they have environmental concerns too. My estimation is that, unfortunately, in 100 years there might not be much of an India left. It will all have been destroyed by an excess of poorly managed capitalistic greed and failure of governance. Does this sound like a cyberpunk story or what?? Already there is a water crisis in TN, my family’s home state and Delhi’s air pollution became so untenable there was a warning saying don’t go outside. At all. Because of numbnuts who threw off firecrackers for F***ing Diwali. Go figure.